shienri@LJ.com

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 16:27:09 GMT

This week feels really, really long.

Like time's moving really slowly. It's kinda like I have too much time but not enough activities.

Sure, I've gone back to playing RO (and would continue gaming with my PSP if I knew where it is and if my PS2 wasn't wrecked because of my brother's stupid dog) but it gets boring fast because I don't interact with the other players. At all.

Why explains why I never did do well in MMORPGs.

The house is so quiet without my brother. His dog misses him so much that she sits in front of the door, waiting for him to come back every night.

My father's being an ass as usual and I swear that at times, I really do loathe him.

Apocalypse 2012 is an interesting book and it makes me kinda sad to think that it's possible for the world to end in about... four years. I graduate in 2012. And I know it's kinda shallow but I really want to see SJ before the world ends. Lol.

I hope that they come around May-June cause I'll be leaving for Aussie on 15th July.

And I bought Tohoshinki's T album? I particularly like Rainbow and No?.

Funny titles but overall, I kinda like T more than FiTB. ~~and i paid about three times more for FiTB. funny.~~

And I'm home alone atm again with too much time... which I spent thinking... a little too much.

And oh. I might be starting Korean classes tomorrow but the problem is that it's so late at night and the centre's about an hour away from home... which would be really stressful for my mother.

I need to rearrange everything in my room although I'm rather fond of the clutter.

It's funny how I need to organize books, photos, files and CDs but I can't seem to keep my room floor clear of papers.

I've got most of "Thy name is-" planned out but I can't achieve the mood that I need for it

I've got the beginning and the ending. Just nothing much in between.

Jia says that it'll be a very long, very complicated one shot. Maybe. I don't know but I do like how she asks questions that I can answer and we throw the ideas back and forth, shaping it into something that's actually possible. But it's a little too late for her to help with Project: Hybrid.

I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm here smiling sadly as I look from the wall to the laptop screen and back to the wall. I'm sighing almost wistfully for something I can't identify.

How can I help others when I can't help myself at all?

I'll just close my eyes and dream. Maybe tonight will be pleasant.

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 15:41:52 GMT

SPEAKERS WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME?

WRYYYY??

I TREAT WITH SUCH TLC AND YOU YOU YOU. YOU GO AND BUST YOURSELF. TT______________TT

PLS TO BE FIXING YOURSELF. LIKE. NAO. SO THAT I CAN ENJOY MY BB MUSIC OKAY? T____T

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 09:24:45 GMT

I don't remember too well where I left off. xD but here's more Sungmin pictures?

~~It's a little hard for me to find the unlabelled, unsorted pictures cause after reformatting Min (my laptop), I don't get thumbnails anymore. T___T~~

~~My photobucket account seems to be hating me -.-~~

And that's it for now. I know that the pictures are old and people have probably seen all of them but ^O^ Oh well. ♥

And if you notice, these entries are on Public cause I'm nice like that 8D

♥♥♥♥♥

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 12:07:49 GMT

I forgot to do this for Minmin's birthday D:

I HAVE MORE BUT I HAVE TO GO NOW. TOMORROW.

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 05:19:09 GMT

Yehtoria! Verse | Fb! Special edition | Part 1

In which Yehtoria go for a date.

The curfew is nine, says the black haired girl, her eyebrows furrowed as she frowned, disapprovingly.

Yesung rolls his eyes for the nth time, murmuring a confirmation that yes, he has heard it well enough for the past ten minutes. He is about to retort something, say something to this younger girl but Victoria nudges him as a warning to shut up. So he merely smiles and nods as Natalie mutters a few more rules. Like, no kissing the dongsaeng unless Vic says it’s okay. No molesting in public. No touching too much.

Yesung decides to humour her and he nods, simply nods although he knows very well that he would not be keeping any of those promises. It is after much nodding and promises that Yesung is allowed to leave, hand in hand with Victoria, the both of them bundled up in thick coats and scarves –with the extra beanie and sunglasses for Yesung-. Natalie then sighs before resigning back to her study table where piles of books awaited her.

But, as soon as she sits down, adjusting her glasses by pushing it up once, the doorbell rings and she almost –just almost- headdesks. After a sigh of frustration, she gets up and yanks the door open.

“Did you forget something?” she asks in English and is surprised when she sees that it is not Victoria or Yesung but two familiar yet unexpected faces.

They blink at her and she blinks back.

“I don’t think I forgot anything,” said Kibum in his heavily accented English and Natalie merely raises an eyebrow.

“C’mon in,” she says and they do.

---

I don’t think they’ve noticed us, murmurs the young girl, observing the couple who was a few rows in front. The man beside her merely nods, too preoccupied by the popcorn that he is munching at a steady pace.

YOUNGOON! she hisses and he turns with an expression that says, What?

Before she can say anything, the movie starts and her attention immediately flits towards the large screen. They are watching a horror movie. And she loved horror movies.

She cannot say the same about the older girl who is sitting a few rows before them. she smiles, grabbing a popcorn from the bucket and waits.

---

Yesung feels something hit the back of his head and he would have turned if not for Victoria clutching onto his shirt –coat now removed- and looking away from the screen, her forehead pressed against his shoulder. She peeks once in a while, curious, but her timing must be ridiculously bad because she would always turn away immediately, muffling her screams. He reaches over, wrapping an arm around her waist when he feels something hit the back of his head again.

He stops the growl from escaping his throat as she tugs on his shirt, fingers clenching around fistfuls of his shirt and all he does is try to enjoy the moment as she presses herself closer –this is why couples bought the couples’ seat, he mused- and he breathes in her light scent of blossoms of the spring. Just when she really moves so close that there is barely any space between them, he feels something hard hit the back of his head and fall, leaving a cold, moist trail down his neck and he manages to catch it –barely, before it slips into his shirt-.

He does growl, a low sound that is barely audible, when he sees that it is ice and he turns around only to see a couple –who looks familiar but he can’t really tell when they’re eating each other’s faces-. He narrows his eyes before he turns back to the screen.

Maybe it was just some brat who had run away, he thinks –or hopes because he cannot shake off the feeling of being stalked.

After the movie, when Yesung and Victoria slip out of the theater, careful to not run into any girls that were possible fangirls, Victoria bumps into someone who is waiting outside the washroom. Yesung helps to steady her and when he turns to look at the imposing figure, he recognizes that it is Youngoon and he raises an eyebrow.

He turns, looking around and even peers behind Youngoon.

Where’s Teukie-hyung? asks Yesung and Youngoon answers with a smooth, Not here. He’s at home.

Yesung’s expression does not change and Youngoon growls, I have friends you know.

But the slight tinge of color of his cheeks tells Yesung a different thing and he merely pats Youngoon on the shoulder.

Don’t worry, I won’t tell Teukie-hyung, he says before he pulls Victoria away from the younger man who was glaring angrily at them.

---

After endless taunting from Yesung, Victoria’s face seems to have gained a permanent tinge of pink as she stomps into the restaurant, ignoring the looks from the other customers and Yesung’s spastic laughter –that was possibly gaining more attention-. She turns, eyes narrowing before she grabs his arm and drags him to the back where they had a booth reserved under her name.

You don’t go around attracting attention like that you idiot, she says, whacking him on the head with the menu after they have settled and they have removed their coats and scarves. Yesung does not reply to that, does not apologize but he looks to the side with a sharp glance and she peeks out to look but there is nothing there.

What are you looking at? she asks and he turns to her. Nothing, he says but he is obviously thrown off and she cannot help but wonder why.

She peeks out again but Yesung hisses at her to stop that because it is rude and she raises an eyebrow and then she sees what he saw and gapes rather openly at the sight. It is a surprising yet expected sight but it was very, very weird, she thinks, blinking a few times.

Is that what I think it is? she asks and Yesung buries his face in his palms, groaning softly.

He murmurs words into his palm, words that cannot be heard and she is still staring, rather amused than freaked out.

Are they allowed to do that? she asks and Yesung does not know how to and does not want to answer her. His perfect plans seems to be going down the drains as he looks up at her only to see her mesmerized by the sight of Kyuhyun and Ryeowook, feeding each other with giggly, giddy looks and smiles so bright that they blinded.

Wow, she says, looking away politely before either one noticed her staring at them. Yesung doesn’t seem to be sharing her sentiments.

---

I saw Yesung-hyung! says Ryeowook after Kyuhyun helps to wipe off a smear of sauce at the side of his lips and Kyuhyun doesn’t say anything.

I think we should go say hi, continues Ryeowook and Kyuhyun is imagining the thousands of ways Yesung would use to torture them and kill them slowly.

---

Tamra’s eyes widens as she peers from the booth she’s at. They had not included the two of them –Kyuhyun and Ryeowook- in their plans. She stares a few more moments before she near laughs when she sees the two join Yesung and Victoria at their table.

All was well.

If only Youngoon, this buffoon, would stop stuffing his face and actually do something romantic.

---

Soup’s done! exclaims Sungmin as he steps out of the kitchen only to receive a blank look from Kibum. The blonde male looks around the room, surprised by the lack of sound from the only girl who was currently in the house.

Where’s s- starts Sungmin but is cut off when Kibum points at the blanketed lump on the couch.

Oh, he says as Kibum walks to the couch, adjusting the blanket and sitting on the floor, leaning lightly against the couch. Oh, says Sungmin again, just oh.

---

SORRY FOR MY LACK OF CUTTING SKILLS T_______T

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 18:59:01 GMT

To readers who are minors and are under 18.

I am sorry but my rated R and NC-17 fics will be put under the adult content and explicit adult content filters.

I. REALLY. Don't want to do this.

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 17:56:19 GMT

...So. I heard that. All R-NC-17 stuff need to be f-locked.

Like REALLY. And it isn't just because of the spurge earlier this year?

And maybe I'm paranoid but I'm not fond of the idea of shienri getting deleted. It's like my favourite blog. EVER. TT______TT

So. All R-Nc-17 material will be put into night_blessing where... it will be f-locked. Sadly. I really wanted to keep everything unlocked but. >.O

So sorry for the trouble. TT________TT

♥
Natalie.

[Fic♥] Yehtoria

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 07:35:30 GMT

Title: Surprises

Pairing: Yehtoria; YehTeuk; YoungSu :3

Rating: So very PG and safe.

---

shienri (xxP.M.): so you'll be at that trainee building place... where is it again?

shienri (xxP.M.): I've got a surprise for you but that surprise might be arriving late. ;] Don't leave so soon, yeah?
---

Sungmin sighs to himself, swirling the mug of hot chocolate in his hands. He was occupied with his thoughts, a mixture of words said then and well still then but a... more recent then if that made any sense.

I-I... I like you hyung, stuttered Sungmin, nervous.

Yesung smiled, softly and there was that hint of sadness that broke Sungmin's heart without any words. He reached forward, small hands ruffling Sungmin's hair in a familiar gesture.

Sorry. You know I don't like you that way, said the older man.

Sungmin sighs again, sipping the rich chocolate mixture. Maybe it wasn't worth it, he thinks because he knows that what Yesung wants isn't real and he knows that too well. It hurts him to know that he's going to reject the only chance he'll ever get but he won't hurt himself more than he's already hurt. He also knows... that Yesung means no harm from this. He sighs for the third time as he sits in the secluded corner of a familiar cafe before he takes out his mobile and texts Yesung.

Sorry hyung. Looks like I won't make it today...

And... although I said that I'd do it... it looks that I won't after all.

--Sungmin.

He switches off the mobile phone after the text is sent and he places it on the table before he stares out the window not too far away, a wistful expression forming on his face as he watches the happy couples, holding hands and smiling among themselves to some hidden secret that only the two of them knew.
---
The door opens just as Yesung's mobile vibrates in his pocket and he fumbles for a moment before succesfully taking out the vibrating device. He's about to read the text message he just received but he pauses, hearing the surprised gasp from the young trainee. He then looks up, eyes widening in mild surprise when he sees a shy Jungsu waving.

I was passing by so I thought that I'd drop by to say hi, mumbles Jungsu and Victoria waves only to receive a dimpled smile from Jungsu in return.

Oh, voices out Yesung ever so eloquently before the surprise fades and he reads the message he received.

Sorry hyung. Looks like I won't make it today...

And... although I said that I'd do it... it looks like I won't after all.

--Sungmin.

Yesung finds himself pausing for just one moment before it registers and he says, Oh -just oh- and he excuses himself, leaving the room and shutting the door of the studio behind him.
---

Once the door is shut, the leader of Super Junior does a complete change, the shy demeanour replaced by cold eyes. He walks closer to the trainee, fingers finding the curled ends of her mahogany hair. He pauses for just a moment then fingers her hair, her neck, her cheek and he stops, pulling back.

I don't like you, he says and Victoria blinks, surprised.

His fingers wind through her thick hair, grabbing hard and painfully strong -stronger than what his slim fingers look capable of doing- and he pulls so that her head's tilted backwards and she's forced to look into his eyes. She sees dark pools of anger and there's that tiny bit in them that tells them that this isn't Jungsu and she keeps quiet.

I don't like how Yesung likes you so much, continues the leader. His following words are harsh and she doesn't understand some of the words that leave his mouth because she's lacking a bit of the vocabulary but she gets the main idea.

She gets the main idea that Eeteuk is jealous of her who he deems as inferior.

She gets the idea that Eeteuk hates her because she gets Yesung's attention just like that.

But before Eeteuk can say or do anything else, the door bursts open and there's a panting Kangin standing there.

Um. I. Oh. Hyung~! There you are! I was looking for you, says the younger man and the grip on Victoria's hair loosens and he's back to his flustered, shy self. Somehow, she can see that he's not faking it. That it's really two different sides of the coin –and that the rumour of Jungsu and Eeteuk being completely different is true-. She smiles as she waves goodbye to Jungsu who’s trying to bow while being dragged away by the younger but stronger man.

---

It’s hours later when Sungmin hears a soft voice, waking him up from a nap he had never realized he slipped into.

Um. Excuse me? says the voice and Sungmin looks up to see a nervous girl. She looks to be in her late teens and she’s nervously fiddling with a piece of paper in her small hands –but her fingers are oddly long-.

Oh. Do you w- starts Sungmin but is cut off when the girl cuts him off with a nervous stutter.

I… well... you probably think I’m weird but I’m lost. It’s my first time here in Seoul, you see, she says, small hands moving in nervous gestures and Sungmin almost laughs because she looks so oddly cute in that puffy coat of hers. He looks at her once over, not really listening to her, and sees that she’s most likely a foreigner.

She looks almost Korean –but not really, there’s something different which he can’t place- and her Korean is almost normal if not for that slight oddness in her tone.

So you see… I was wondering… um… she says, handing him the sheet of paper, snapping him out of his thoughts and he accepts the slightly crumpled piece of paper.

Could you bring me to this place? she asks.

---

It’s an odd sight, Yesung decides when he sees Sungmin walking with a girl –about a head shorter- behind him. She stumbles once, twice, and more often than should be humanly possible, almost walks into a lamp post if not for Sungmin helping her away from said object.

Sungmin laughs and it’s rich and bubbly –and real- and Yesung feels more than a little guilty for attempting to play with Sungmin’s feelings even if it is for his trainee-cum-friend. Sungmin turns just then, sees him standing there and he stops, the smile dropping a little. Yesung’s about to say something, like an apology maybe, but the effect and the atmosphere is ruined when the girl walks straight into Sungmin’s back.

Sungmin turns around in worry but the girl starts apologizing.

It’s strangely amusing, muses Yesung but just at that moment, Victoria walks out of the trainee building’s main entrance, pauses when she sees the group of three outside.

…

Sungmin oppa?! exclaims Victoria in surprise.

She then notices the girl beside Sungmin and her eyes widen further.

Unnie??!

---

Ending A/N: There will be no SungTalie or NatMin. Okay? :\

Because Sungmin is gay and Natalie isn’t that amazing to un-gay him or anything. -___-;; So. Um. yeah. I’m like a prop there. Lol. XD Just thought that it’d be randomly fun to put myself in there to ~~–ruin-~~ I mean help the Yehtoria. :]

…Or maybe… hm… *thinks* Oh well. It depends. XD

…Well. There’s no NatChul, for sure. *hearts HanChul*

[Fic♥]Yehtoria

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 09:00:57 GMT

Title: Secrets and Promises.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Yehtoria, YehTeuk??
For: 0taeyang0
Author's Note: I'm on a flow. But I doubt that anybody's reading it anyway.. :]
---

Yesung opens the door to the studio they frequently use before he blinks, looking around the empty room. She’s not here, he thinks and he’s puzzled because she’s always here earlier than him, greeting him with a wide, honest smile when he opens the door. Always.

He finds her, not too far away, in that corner with the vending machine and potted plants.
She’s crying, tears spilling from under her closed eyelids as she clutched the phone close to her ear. She speaks smooth yet not, in English, Yesung is aware, and he doesn’t know what to do. He stands hidden, just around the corner beside the large potted plant as she sits before the vending machine, head bowed, thick locks of mahogany flowing over her rounded shoulders.

Yesung listens to her voice as she speaks in hushed sobs and although he doesn’t understand everything, he knows it’s her family. And he knows that she misses them. He peeks around the corner one last time before he walks back to the studio to wait until she’s done. She deserves her privacy although half the people in the building won’t understand what she’s saying.
---
He looks up when the door opens and he smiles, small and barely noticeable but there, as she comes in, apologizing profusely for her lateness. He says nothing, knowing to keep business as business and personal as personal, but he still motions for her to come forward, and she does –just a little puzzled but she does- only to get her hair ruffled by his small hands.

She gawks at him, before she breaks out smiling and she gets the hint that he knows, he knows but he won’t say or ask anything until she’s ready for it. And she playfully messes his carefully styled hair too before they start practice, Yesung teaching her and pointing out where to improve and what she could do to make herself sound better.

There’s no such thing as should, he says, it’s different for everyone. So here, today and until the end of the lessons, we will find out what’s you.
---
She’s a roller coaster of emotions but she doesn’t let it show, doesn’t let it affect what’s important to her. She smiles and braves it all because she knows she has to. She knows that she must to reach her goal.

What the others say doesn’t matter, she thinks.

What is it to them, how she looks, how she sings, how Yesung, Yesung as in the Kim Jongoon, finds her interesting? What is it to them? she thinks. It does not matter, not the least.

So she bears it on her shoulders, silently, ignoring the whispers behind her back.
---
shienri (xxP.M): Cheer up dongsaeng ah~! You’re still my dongsaeng even if you get famous one day and forget all about unnie…. Wait. That’s just depressing ;O;

shienri (xxP.M.): Just wait. When I get there next year, we’ll get an apartment together. :) Okay? Then I can wake you up by splashing a bucket of cold water on you! XD

shienri (xxP.M.): I’m sadistic. But you love me anyway. :3
---
I used to write fanfiction about you guys, she confesses one day, her fingers wrapped around a bottle of water.

Oh? voices out Yesung, surprised but not too surprised. He’s heard of these things, these… fanfiction and they amuse him. The last time he had checked it out, he had been paired with coffee. He rarely drank that stuff, he remembers telling Victoria who had offered him a can once and he, at that moment, didn’t understand why she looked so stricken.

He does now though.

He’s calm as he says, what did you like? He supposes she understands because well, she should.

…YeMin, she mumbles after a while, maybe a little embarrassed to tell her teacher that yes, she used to read porn fanfiction about him and her favourite Super Junior band member.

He pauses for just a moment. YeMin? he asks, maybe a little too amused for his own good.

Sungmin… and I? he continues after a little while, that amused smile still playing at his lips and she nods.

She looks so eager as if part of her was hoping that it was true that he hadn’t had the heart to break it to her that he wasn’t that way but Sungmin was, really. He frowns a little, tapping the closed bottle against his lips before he says, okay.

He decides to give her a little surprise.
---
shienri (xxP.M.):….you. did. NOT. OH NO YOU DIDN’T.

shienri (xxP.M.):…. You did didn’t you?

shienri (xxP.M.): sug;suegboughesiftrjel!! …I wonder if he really bends that way.
---
You’re kidding me, sputters Sungmin, staring wide-eyed at Yesung who was calmly eating. He turns to look at Ryeowook, who has the classic O.o look and Kyuhyun who was on the verge of falling off his chair, laughing.

No, says Yesung as he places his chopsticks beside the plate, I’m not.

I. You, mumbles Sungmin before he takes in a deep, deep breath.

I’ll do it, he murmurs, forcing down the blush that threatened to creep up his neck. I’ll do it, he repeats, a little louder.

Okay, says Yesung and that was it.
---
You do too much for just one trainee, he says and Yesung isn’t the least surprised by the sudden voice in his ear, his eyes still focused upon the computer screen.

She’s… a friend, says Yesung, clicking once, typing twice, updating his cyworld with his recent pictures.

If you say so, he says before he slinks away –not before running his fingers through Yesung’s silky black hair-. If you say so, rings in Yesung’s ears and he turns around just as the room door closes.

Yesung decides, for more than once, that he really doesn’t like Eeteuk as much as he loves Jungsu as a friend.
---
Since you’re improving so well in just a week, says Yesung –sounding maybe a little proud, just maybe-, I’ve got a surprise for you.

Her eyes sparkle with anticipation. Really? she asks and Yesung smiles.

Yes, he says and he smiles.

Yes. And that smile makes it seem as if he's scheming something.
---

[Fic♥] Yehtoria strikes again

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 04:32:05 GMT

Title: Development
Pairing: Yehtoria -again-, Hanchul, others? :3
Rating: PG
For: 0taeyang0
Author's note: It's rather short. But um. Yeah. And it's barely got Vic-dongsaeng in it but it's Development okay?
---

She’s interesting, he thinks as he spots Yesung with her, one day.

It’s not as if he’s stalking Yesung to find out just exactly who this girl is, thinks Sungmin, nope. He’s not curious at all. He’s just worried for Yesung.

He nods to himself encouragingly before he continues to follow Yesung silently, observing.

She’s young, ponders Sungmin as he observes her, bundled in scarves and a jacket to keep herself warm in the cold winter air.

He watches as Yesung laughs, loud and distinctively Yesung, before he ruffles her hair and her chin is tucked into the scarf around her neck as she smiles, blushing red at what he supposes is praise from the older singer.

And he thinks… that maybe Yesung would be okay and he leaves without a sound, disappearing around the corner just as Yesung turns around.
---
I heard of your affair with the new trainee, remarks Heechul offhandedly one day and it takes Yesung’s all to not choke on his water and sputter indignantly. Instead, he merely swallows the water in his mouth and send Heechul a look. Just a look.

Heechul shrugs, picking at his cake with the fork in his hand as he sat at the table, eyes fixed upon Yesung who’s leaning against the kitchen counter.

Just thought that you’d like to know what the little ones are thinking, says Heechul, looking down at his cream cake just before he stabs the strawberry rather viciously.

She’s just a trainee, says Yesung before he sips his water again.

Heechul doesn’t stop stabbing the strawberry that was in his plate, the cream cake now more than a little messed up.

You never cared that much about other trainees, says Heechul.

Yesung shrugs and makes to depart from the kitchen. When he’s about to walk out the door, he comments, The strawberry’s not Han Geng. Stop killing the poor thing.

Heechul snorts before he brings the strawberry up to his lips and eats it.
---
Be careful, says Jungsu as Yesung ties the laces of his white Everlast sneakers.

Yesung nods, not turning to face Jungsu as he does so.

Be really careful, says Jungsu.

Don’t cause a scandal, says Eeteuk and Yesung nods.

…Don’t come back too late, says Jungsu –sounding a little too old for his age- and Yesung’s struck by how much Jungsu sounds like his mother when he was going out on his first date.

He turns around, offers Jungsu a smile and receiving one of Jungsu’s –not Eeteuk’s- before he says, Of course.

He stands and walks out the door, closing it behind him.

Of course.
---

[Fic♥] YehToria? O.o

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 10:46:04 GMT

Title: Just something new.
Rating: PG
Pairing: YehToria?? O.o
For: 0taeyang0
Author's Note: I couldn't... write... Sungmin *was not in mood for Sungmin-ness*. So I'm sorry dongsaeng but I wrote a Yehtoria instead. And it's... not really pairing focused yet ;O;
---

She's new and Yesung knows it because he visits often -on off days, on days when the managment wants him to- because he knows that him being here would remind the trainees as to why they're here and what they're aiming for-if they recognise who he is because he knows he's not exactly the most outstanding-. Also, he wants his old friends to know, just to know that he hasn't forgotten them although he's already been debuted.

Yesung stops when he sees her because she's new and she's standing aside looking unsure and out of place, watching the other girls with careful eyes.

He's immediately reminded of Han Geng and he just knows that she's foreign even before he takes note of her tanned skin, dark mahogany curls and large dark brown eyes. She's small but not exactly petite, he decides and he looks at her one more time before he repeats, not exactly petite.

He's about to turn to leave but she finally notices his presence and she turns. She blinks and Yesung saw a flicker of recognition pass through her eyes before she smiles, bright and warm, and waves. Yesung pauses before he smiles back and waves back. The girl looks around the room, at the girls who hadn't noticed him, before she made her way to him, flustered and excited.

She greets him, "Annyonghaseyo Yesung oppa," in slow but well pronounced Korean and he finds himself smiling wider because she's better than Han Geng -and he finds that amusing- and she's got a nice voice, which makes him somewhat sure that she can sing.

They talk, Yesung finding himself in somewhat odd situations in which he doesn't know how to replace words she doesn't understand and his hands moves to explain until she goes 'Oh!' and chatters in a stream of what he recognises as English, and Yesung learns some things about her.

Her name's Victoria -he has a bit of a problem pronouncing it, it came out Pictoria the first time-, she's young, from America and she's a huuuuuge fan of Super Junior -stress the huge, he made a mental note-.

They talk, just for a little while, walking down halls until she looks at her watch and a big frown appears on her face. She has lessons, she says and Yesung nods, patting her head before he tells her to go. He knows that the people from Black Beat who are training the trainees can be playful but they are strict and sometimes overly so.

Yesung watches her run off with a wave and a small smile on his face.

Later that day, as Sungmin asks how was his day, he momentarily contemplates to tell the other boys at the dinner table about his experience today but he mentally shakes his head.

Maybe not, he tells himself and Ryeowook and Kyuhyun are suspicious of that smile on his face.

The next time he visits is some time two months after that day and it's not as if he intenionally seeks her out -he says to himself- but he randomly walks into the room and he hears her singing. She's singing a Super Junior song, one that he's particularly fond of too, You Are the One, and he's amused for just that one moment because she's so much better than Han Geng in the language context but then he's struck by her voice.

He likes it, he decides.

But she can be better, he thinks.

He signs up to be the personal coach for Victoria.

He has a two week break after all, he says, and he'd like to help the new trainee.

She's not to know about it until the day after, they say and he leaves to go back home.

The boys have heard of his decision by the time he arrives home and they question him.

Do you know this new trainee? asks Ryeowook, curiosity sparking in his eyes and Kyuhyun is simply amused as he wraps his arm around the eternal magnae's waist.

No, not really, says Yesung and he's not lying. He only knows her name, her age, her nationality and where her parents live. And oh. Right. He knows that she's a fan of Super Junior too but he doesn't tell them that.

Are you suuure? asks Sungmin, joining in, and he nods.

They look at each other -Sungmin, Ryeowook and Kyuhyun- before they shrug it off and return to their room, leaving Yesung with his cup of coffee.

It's something new, he thinks, to break from a routine.

It's just something new.

[Fic?] CRACK.

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 18:19:33 GMT

Title: Regarding inner voices and random email invitations for Facebook.
Rating: PG
Genre: Crack
Note: Henry. Henry. Henry.
For:figuramalaya/ Tin because we stalk Henry Lau together. XD;
---
It was a normal day, like normal could be with the members of Super Junior, as Henry went to practice, went to watch the older boys perform on stage as he and Hankyung sat back stage -because it's KM and they're foreigners and somehow, it's registered in the Taiwanese boy's head that KM does not like foreigners- and finally ended up in his own, sweet-smelling bed, exhausted beyond words.

It's moments later that he swears that he hears someone calling him and he immediately sits upright and looks around him before he shakes his head, rubbing his ears.

'Nah. Not possible. Nobody here calls me HENRY,' thought the violinist, which is true because somehow everyone, except Kibum who doesn't seem to talk much -if at all, called him "HENLI-SSHI~~" or ugh. "Xian Hua.", which kinda made sense as to why he has the name Henry because Xian Hua is so girly and despite what Kangin has to say, Henry is a much better name than Kangin -in his opinion that is-.

As he lays down on the bed, ready to slip off to the wonderful world of slumber where he doesn't have to face half-~~bald~~-blonde older men in pink and narcisstic princess, diva, CATMAN, Cinderella extraordinaire Kim Heechul, he hears it again and he jerks up once more.

He's convinced that he's crazy because the other person in the room, namely said half-blonde man, was sleeping.

"HENRY~~ WAKE UPP~~"

There it goes again. Henry sighs, truly convinced that he's hallucinating because nobody within the range of Super Junior spoke English like that. Maybe except Shiwon because Shiwon's english was good you know? He slumps down onto his bed, burying his head in his pillows, and closes his eyes.

"LIU XIAN HUAAA~~~ WAKE UP AND ADD ME BACK~~"

If Henry had a keyboard and life had monitors everywhere, he was convinced, really convinced, that he'd be keyboard smashing in frustration now.

"What do you want me to do you stupid inner voices??" snarls the violinist before he realises how odd it is because his inner voices sounds like two distinctly Asian girls.

"Simple. Add us back."

Henry's about to snarl back at the insane voices that wouldn't leave him alone at -he looks at his watch- 2:46A.M but he stops when he hears Sungmin stirring and he grumbles because he just knows that it's due to his earlier outburst.

"What the hell are you talking about??" he hisses, softer than before but this time, there's no voices replying as if the voices expected him to know what to do.

As if by magic -or some strange coincidence, Henry doesn't believe in fate- the room door opens and a concerned group leader is there, peeking in.

"Ah! Henli-sshi!" exclaims the leader, the only thing Henry can understand other than the words, minihompy and computer and helps you sleep and Henry simply nods, motioning to and telling leader-sshi to go to his room to sleep or Kangin would be after his blood.

Of course, it sounded right in Henry's head but it came out sounding like Kangin has blood -which isn't wrong really in a biological context because really, everyone has blood- and Jungsu leaves quickly, screaming in concern for Youngwoon.

Henry does the most normal thing anyone can do. He facepalms, groaning almost inaudibly as Sungmin merely turns around and continues to sleep.

He gets out of bed grudingly because he knows that the inner voices will come back to disturb him and it's within minutes that he finds himself sitting in front of the computer in the dark room all by himself. He knows that it's -oh, look at the time- 2:54A.M. here in Korea but he also knows that it's probably 1:54P.M. there in Canada and he logs on to his MSN account, looking for someone to have a decent conversation with. Decent meaning no Engrish, no broken Mandarin and no broken Korean because really, one Hankyung was hard enough for everyone including himself.

As soon as he's signed in... his eyes widen and his jaw drops when he sees the number of new emails he's got.

He believes that he's set a record by this .Really. He should get someone to witness this with him and he'd probably get some sort of Award thing.

He, hesitantly, clicks open his inbox.

And woila. They were all requests from Facebook and some from Friendster but he ignored the Friendster ones because his account was so old and so abandoned and yeah.

He knows that this would happen, or really he guessed that it would or maybe hoped that it would, since he had posted that one little comment on Facebook. He actually considers just deleting all of them but he pauses.

"Nooo~~ ADD US HENRY. ADD USS~~~~"

And Henry does the unbelievable as he sits there for the rest of the night -or early morning really-, slowly browsing through profiles -and he's more glad than surprised to see people uploading his pictures on Facebook and he's amused by a fluff friend named Yunjae because he had just recently, met the Dongbang boys- and confirming their requests to befriend one by one.

It's then that Henry discovers that not everybody hates him. And if he does win an award, it won't be 'The Most Popular Hated Boy'.

And maybe it's just pixels that he's receiving from the fans -who steadily become friends- but it shows that he's going somewhere.

Somehow, in the end, Henry meets his inner voices -one Singaporean and one Malaysian fangirl- through an MSN chatroom.

"_______ says:

I told you that screaming for him would wake him up~~! Nobody calls him HENRY~ It's HENLI over there. LOL.”
---
The End.
---
A/N: I think I'm officially declared/stamped/labeled as lame.

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 02:52:14 GMT

A 'very nice' DBSK fan brought this to my attention. :)

SO GO FORTH AND VOTE FOR SUJU/DBSK. Well.. my vote goes for Suju...

Notice.

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 17:35:29 GMT

This is especially important for people who only friended me for FANFICTION...

I'm going to REMOVE everyone except the people who posted at the last post because this time, I'm gonna UNFRIEND you because I now have a writing/icon community, night_blessing

This journal will then, for real, be personal. ~~Finally!~~

I'm not sure whether I should post my older works there or not but if you would like, I would post them there.

Unfriending starts at 12:00AM (+8.00GMT) 1st August 2007.

Thank you.

And oh. I would be extremely pleased if you join my writing community. :D

And please post here if you want me to friend you back. ^___^

[Fic-ceth] Sometimes...

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 14:14:58 GMT

Title: Sometimes.
Rating: very PG. so PG that it can't be any more PG.
Genre: Angst//Fluff
Author's note: erm... read and comment. please?
---

sometimes...

you wonder what you're doing. sitting in front of the blaring tv, staring at the animated pictures on the screen whilst the light from the said device lit up the dark room. and then someone would come and switch the noisy thing off before he took you by the hand and led you back to your room.

sometimes...

you wonder what's wrong when you sit between the couch and the wall, a space just nice for you and only you to curl into, your back against the black leather of the couch and your eyes staring at the white of the wall.

you feel tears sliding down your cheek but you wonder what's wrong. you could feel the tenseness in the air but you could hear nothing except for the sound of the rain outside amplified in your ears; see nothing except the white of the wall that made you wonder whether this was heaven; feel nothing except the leather on your back and the cold stinging your naked feet and taste nothing but the coppery tang in your mouth and on your lips.

and you'd wonder... what's wrong?

sometimes...

you wonder why there's no answer. you speak to your best friend. you speak to your brothers. you speak and speak, spilling out your heart. you just talk, letting your mind wander as you did so. but no matter how much you spoke, you got no answer...

you blinked back tears as you wondered why nobody would answer you. you blinked and curled up into a tigther ball this time in between your bed and the wall beside.

when you woke up, you never felt better... but you never felt worse either. so you started talking to anything and everything you came across.

it made no difference since you never got any answer anyway.

sometimes...

you wonder why people bled. you stared as the people around you fought for something you didn't know why. a part of you told you to stop them but you couldn't. a part of you didn't because you were fascinated by their arguments. you didn't because you liked seeing them claw deep into each other causing new wounds over healed scars and pouring salt into them.

you never understood why ocassionally, the look they sent you was filled with hurt and perhaps, just perhaps, that inkling of sorrow.

sometimes...

you wonder what had happened when you open your eyes and found yourself on your soft bed, blanket covering your pyjama-clad figure. you wonder as you got up and the only scent that fills your nose is a mixture of your own and a familiar yet unfamiliar scent of coffee and vanilla.

sometimes...

you wonder who was he when you woke up beside him, curled up against his warm chest, his warm arms around you. but you closed your eyes forgetting your thoughts as another person joined you on the bed and you found that your head was resting against yet another warm and firm chest.

they hugged you. one with a firm touch as if he was afraid you would disappear while the other with a much gentler touch as if you would break from the touch itself.

you found that as you listened to the rhythm of your heartbeats and as you relaxed into the comforting warmth, you could remember who he was. you could remember who they were.

sometimes...

like the days when the sun was bright and the wind was light and cool, you figured that you didn't need to wonder as he took your hand and led you in a mock dance in the living room.

as the both of them accompanied you, rolling about in laughter on cool green grass until the three of you ended up in one dog pile, you figured that you liked this better than when they lashed out at each other, digging into past secrets and memories.

when you opened your eyes in the morning, you were greeted with a smile or maybe two. and you realised that you could now remember them. and you believed that you'd remember them for today, tomorrow and the days after. you would remember them forever.

you discover that they did reply. they replied to your words unlike the wall and the couch. you found out that -as the three of you lay on the blankets spread on the cold ground of the roof and pointed out random constellations at night and oddly shaped clouds during the day- they talked and laughed with you. they answered and you smiled.

you realise that you knew what was wrong. you missed them and were torn between having to choose one of them. one, like the black leather and the other like the white wall. and they'd come and pull you out of that corner, wipe your tears and kiss away the cold of your feet, the rain in your ears, the white of the wall and the blood in your mouth.

you then knew that you were only sitting there in front of the blaring television, staring at the animated pictures on the screen whilst the light from the said device lit up the dark room so that either or both of them came to lead you back to your room.

sometimes...

you knew that with them, you would never be lost ever again.
---
Ending A/N: I think that... erm. yeah. I had a pairing in mind but it's pretty open. I guess. x_____x comments on who you think they are? :D

[Fic-ceth]Broken

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 14:32:09 GMT

Title: Broken [Prologue]
Pairing: MinBum//YehWook//RyeoMin//KangTeuk?
Rating: NC-17
Author's Note: Erm... this is the prologue to Broken. And acutally I'm thinking of renaming it Part One because my plan of writing this whole fic idea goes in the order of '2' -> '1' -> '3' -> '4'. Because I'm just weird that way. :D
---

You walked into the the apartment and slowly removed your shoes, announcing your presence with an, "I'm home" that went unreplied and unnoticed by everybody except the band leader who stood at the doorway with a mug of tea and a towel draped over his right arm. He handed you the mug, a drink to relax your nerves after a long day of filming, and the towel so that you could wipe yourself since it had been raining and you were slightly soaked.

You accepted both gratefully, a smile adorning your exhausted face as you muttered a soft thank you.

Yet, as you sipped at the warm tea, the smile on Eeteuk's face told you that something had happened. The smile that was neither apologetic nor filled with pity would have normally puzzled anyone but you somewhat had an idea about what happened and what was going to happen. Once you were done, he took the porcelain mug from you and disappeared into the kitchen as you walked into the living room, wiping your hair and face with the dark blue towel before letting it rest on your shoulders.

The television was on and some familiar yet unfamiliar drama was playing. Turning to look at the sofa, you immediately recognized the problem and the source of the problem immediately. You realised that the idea you had was right on target and you almost sighed aloud.

Three of your hyungs were sitting, squashed together on the sofa, watching the drama.

"Ah! Welcome back Kibummie!" said Ryeowook who was the first to notice your presence and greet you with a warm and innocent smile of pure joy.

Ryeowook hyung was, at times, just like a little child although the band members knew better that the small framed man was devious in his own rights.

You smiled back at Ryeowook hyung and nodded as Yehsung did the same, slight gesture to show that he realised you were back. Then, your gaze focused on the third hyung who was on the left of Ryeowook hyung. The ash blonde haired man looked up after a while, a cheerful smile adorning his boyishly cute face as he welcomed you back too.

He patted what little space there was left on the sofa and you walked over and squeezed into it.

Almost automatically, his arm found its way around your waist only to pull back as he squealed in slight disgust.

"You're soaked!"

"Uh... yeah. I think I noticed..." you said in reply.

He got to his feet, grabbing your hands and pulling you up too.

"Let's get you out of those," he said before dragging you off towards the rooms.

As the both of you left, you could faintly hear Ryeowook whisper to the person on his right. "Yehsung-ah. Do you think that SungMin hyung's dating Kibummie?"

Somehow, you knew that you wished that the answer was yes.

But the gratifying truth was undeniable. And the answer was simply... no.

You were pushed into the bathroom and into the shower before you heard the click of the lock. You were then pressed up against the tiled wall as one of his hands reached out and turned on the shower. Water rained down on you, hot and steaming and oh-so-loud in your ears as he started to kiss you hungrily.

You responded almost as eagerly as teeth clashed and tongues battled for dominance, which you knew would be won by him, but the only thing holding you back from feeling that real passion was the fact that it wasn't you whom he loved.

He grinded his hips into yours and you moaned feeling his hardness pressing against you and it was then he won the battle of dominance as you moaned into the kiss.

You could feel his hands. Moving from their position on your hips, upwards to unbutton the dark navy blue shirt your wore while he teased you painfully with that skilful tongue of his.

Your arms moved to wrap themselves around his neck to bring him closer for that bit of contact which you hungered for day and night but a harsh nip on your bottom lip and a growl that escaped him warned you that he didn't like being touched.

At least... not by you.

He parted from you, a trail of saliva still connecting his lips to yours only to break off after a while as the water fell relentlessly upon the two of you...

As if it could drown out all sounds.

As if it could drown out all desires.

As if it could drown out all pain.

As if it could down out all sins.

He peeled the soaked shirt off your body, his hands brushing against sensitive parts of your skin and you panted, repressing a moan as your lips parted to voice a protest. But that protest died in your throat and you almost choked on it when you saw the hurt that hid beneath the mask of jealousy and anger he wore.

Also, the hand that was roaming your body as he kissed the column of your throat, licking, biting, nipping, sucking and doing wonderful things to your body, stopped you from doing anything other than arching for more contact and mewling.

"Undress me," he said as he leant closer, licking the shell of your right ear and you shuddered involuntarily at the huskiness of his voice as you obliged.

Your fingers curled around the hem of the cotton t-shirt before you pulled it up over his head, revealing his perfect body.

Perfect skin that was so smooth, so supple... so tempting but you held back, knowing that he didn't enjoy being touched more than required.

Not by you. He wanted to be touched by someone else. Someone else whose fingers didn't move so softly over his skin as if he was fragile and afraid that he would break. Someone else whose fingers were slim and long unlike yours which seemed so average.

The one he wanted wasn't you with the sardonic smile who gave in to what he wanted when he wanted it without even questioning. The person he loved wasn't you who knew what was happening and what would happen.

The person he loved was your hyung, Ryeowook.

And you could never be more than a replacement.

He kissed you harshly again -with a need to quench his thirst and desire for the man whom you were not- before he stripped the remaining articles of clothing off the both of you.

The warm water still falling like the endless rain. But a small part of you wished that this was the rain because it still believed that the rain could clean you from your desire, your pain and your sins.

He flipped you around with one hand while he grasped the closest bottle of hair conditioner with his other. You couldn't see it but you could hear the cap being flipped open and the smell of the herbal concoction filling your senses. Moments later, your heard the plastic bottle fall to the floor with a clatter before he thrust into you and it hurt.

It hurt, it hurt, it hurt and you gasped in pain.

But he didn't stop to allow you to adjust. He pulled out and thrust back in completely with one move and it took all you had to stop yourself from screaming in pain.

However, it didn't take long before pleasure overcame pain and you started moaning, mewling, writhing and whispering in rushed breaths for him to move faster. Your fingers gripped onto whatever they could, finding a hold at the gaps between the tiles as you felt your legs weaken and you were so sure that the only thing that kept you up was his hands on your hips as he kept on hitting that spot that made you see stars.

He came in you, his essence filling you as his grip on your hips was so rough that it was hard enough to bruise. You followed soon after as he bit into your shoulder to muffle the moan that escaped his throat and sent tingles down your spine.

The both of you panted, exhausted and for that slight moment when he leant on your back, his forehead resting against the back of your head, you hoped and hoped that he would stay.

But he didn't.

You knew that he wouldn't but it didn't stop you from hearing your heart crack as he pulled out from you, put on his soggy clothing and walked out without another word. As the door closed behind him, you turned around.

The water was cold now as the steam dissipating as it washed away remnants of the herbal conditioner. You slid down somewhat torn between sighing and sobbing because you felt cold and lost.

This wasn't the first time.

Maybe that was why you felt so cold... because you had let it happen again.

You were cold because... even when you didn't watch him leave, you could hear his footsteps, skin slapping against the slippery floor and the door shutting as he left once more.

Lost because a part of you loved him and still loved him although he was doing this.

When you heard footstpes and felt the water stop, you looked up and saw Eeteuk once again with another towel -a thick, fluffy white one- and he bent down wrapping it around your naked frame before he helped you stand and led you to the room, which he shared with Kangin.

As the room door creaked open and the two of you stepped into the warm room, Kangin looked up with a questioning look that soon faded as he saw your drenched and naked appearance. He looked at Eeteuk, a look both older men shared, before he shut the book in his hands and the band leader led you to him. Putting the book aside, Kangin then gently hugged you -a gentleness that seemed difficult to associate with the normally gruff man- as Eeteuk let go and went to fetch a change of clothes for you.

Kangin dried you off with the fluffy towel and ruffled your hair in a manner that reminded you off your father before he resumed wrapping his arms around you. When he brought you closer to him silently, it was then that you realised that tears were running down your cheeks and that you were trembling.

He simply kissed the top of your head before Eeteuk came in and the both of them helped you dress.

They were so gentle that for a moment, you really believed that you were nothing more than a fragile porcelain doll.

That night, you slept in the middle of the two of them as Eeteuk kissed away your tears in a way that reminded you of your mother, whom you missed terribly, and Kangin merely buried his nose in your hair and fell asleep with his arms around you.

At that moment. You could forget that you were a pop idol. You could forget that you were twenty years old. You could forget everything as you slept listening to Kangin's steady breathing and feeling Eeteuk's gentle kisses on your skin.

And everything became right again.

It was then that you just knew that you would wait for SungMin to turn around and see you. Because even when you did fall, there would be someone there to catch you and help you stand again.
---
Ending A/N: If anyone's reading this... could I at least know whether this sucked or not? :(

>__________<♥

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 14:03:11 GMT

Title: Broken
Pairing: Kibum X ?//YehWook//? X Wook
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: "Sorry... I'm really sorry... Kibummie. I'm sorry," you repated like a broken record.
Author's Note: This seems to start from nowhere. Which is probably why I'm posting it here instead of miracle______. That and the lack of feedback is depressing. So yeah. This is the fruit of nine hours of emo-ing. Yes. Nine hours. Since I woke up. I woke up emo. I was emo the whole day. ~~Actually I was emo since last night. I posted eight times last night and four times today at my blogspot. And they're mostly emo posts.~~
Thanks rainbowromance8 -sshi for the lovely HanJae, which made me smile. :D
But I'm sad to say that my mood swings are worse than Teuk's. I would dedicate this to you but I think that I'd need to write something way awesome-er than this for someone as awesome as you.
And. I hope that everybody enjoys this. Although it is angst.
---

You were frozen, having just come back from a gruesome day at the studios, as you stood at the open door staring at the scene that was going on in the kitchen. You stared as you heard him moan and watched him move with much enthusiasm to the ministrations of the other who was pushing him against the tiled walls of the kitchen.

You had been aware of their relationship all this while. You knew that they were dating. You knew that they loved each other. You knew that they were lovers and you had no place in their lives other than perhaps... a brother to both.

You were just a friend. You were just their brother.

You had hoped. You had believed that one day your efforts would be worth it all. You had waited. You had loved him so much that you would do anything for him... and still wait.

You were confident that he would love you. One day.

But... now... you didn't know anymore.

You watched as Yehsung's skilful fingers creeped under his shirt, massaging the supple skin you had dreamt of touching, of licking, of kissing and sucking. You watched as he tilted his head, revealing more of that perfect neck of his for Yehsung to lick. You simply stood there, lost, hearing the eager little mewls that escaped his throat.

You wanted to pull Yehsung away from him.

You wanted to be the one who caused those delicious sounds from him.

But...

This time. You realised. You finally realised as you saw it happening before you.

You quickly backed away soundlessly. Slipping on your black converse sneakers and tying the laces messily, you yanked open the front door and ran out of the apartment without closing the white wooden door behind you.

It was raining. The pavement was wet and slippery as the rain fell endlessly. You felt horrible. You felt as if your world had fallen apart like a jigsaw puzzle scattered. So you ran and ran hoping that you'd end up whole again.

You ran until you were out of breath and a couple of blocks away. At least... you thought you were but you couldn't tell left from right and up from down. Your mind was in a haze.

It was a Sunday night. And everybody normal would have been home spending the last of the weekend with their family.

But here you were running away from 'family'.

The skies were dark and everybody on the streets were too busy concentrating to get out of the rain. Some had umbrellas but walked looking at their feet as if doing so could prevent them from slipping and falling. Others were simply running to seek for shelther.

So nobody noticed you as you walked down the street. All alone in the rain. Nobody noticed you as you dragged yourself further away from the apartment.

Further. Further.

You needed to be further. You stumbled into an alley, leant back against one of the grimy, wet walls and slid down into a puddle.

The rain poured mercilessly upon your body, into your broken soul and bleeding heart. You couldn't tell whether you were crying. Because streams of water flowed endlessly down your cheeks, dripping off your chin.

You didn't know how long you sat there. You weren't aware of the time that had passed by as you sat there listlessly staring at the opposite wall, the sky still crying it's endless tears.

It was still raining. You could hear the sound of the rain falling, something you used to cherish but now hated, when it suddenly stopped falling. A small part of you told you to look up but you didn't. You couldn't. You were too tired to move. Too tired to hope. Too lost to wish.

You were aware of the presence of a person before you. You could feel the faint heat, which you wanted to just grab on to and never let go. You could not hear his words as he spoke but you could feel it cut through the heavy, water-laden air and press into your soaked skin.

He bent down when you simply didn't look up. And you found yourself staring at an all-too-familiar face. Only, the sardonic smile you normally saw wasn't there. The dark eyes of lust, which you normally caused wasn't present.

Looking in his eyes, you expected contempt. Hatred. You expected his eyes to taunt you and say that you deserved this. You deserved all of this.

But as he tilted the umbrella so that it completely shielded you from the heavy rain and reach out to wipe your grimy tear-stained cheeks with his hankerchief, all you found was a soft, gentle look.

It wasn't hatred or contempt. It wasn't pity. It was something you were unfamiliar with.

"Kibummie," you said, your voice cracking.

He didn't say anything and only continued to wipe away the tears that welled up in your eyes. He didn't say anything... and you found yourself repeating over and over again.

"I'm sorry Kibum-ah. I'm so sorry. So sorry."

Your voice was so small. So tired. So lost.

The dark blue umbrella into a puddle of murky water with a splash as he wrapped his arms around your cold, cold frame. He hugged you, bringing you closer to his warm but wet clothed chest. He whispered words. But you couldn't hear them.

Couldn't hear.

Didn't hear.

And perhaps... will never hear.

"I'm sorry Kibummie... so sorry," you continued.

"There's nothing to apologize for... nothing."

But there was, your mind insisted, there was so much to apologize for.

You had used him to sate your desires as your efforts went unnoticed by the other. You had used him to calm down the beast born from the jealousy that grew within you. Yet, you had always left the next morning before he awoke.

You treated him like everybody else in the day but at night, he was the only one that saw the real you. The real you who wanted more than to just please others. The real you who wanted so much but couldn't get anything except for a pat on the head and a pinch on the cheeks. Or maybe a cookie.

You wronged him. So much. You treated him as if he was a thing. So often. Too often. You had never, ever considered his feelings as you thrust yourself into him, sucking at the column of his throat, leaving a purplish bruise for the make-up girls to handle. You never considered his feelings as you took control of everything. Growling and biting as a sign for him to not touch you as you touched him everywhere. You had taken but never given.

You were selfish.

You were selfish and stupid and blind.

"Mianhaeyo Kibum-ah. Jongmal... mianhaeyo."

He pushed your chin up and kissed you on the forehead before lifting you up. If you were particularly sane, you would have protested but at this moment.

All you could do was clutch onto his soaked black dress shirt and repeat those same words.
---
you repeated like a broken record , your heart just as cracked and broken.

---
Ending A/N: Okay. This was bad. But I swear that it was fantastic when it was plotted in my head. ;______;
And cookies for those who guess who You is. :D And I'm assuming that yes, Kibummie is strong enough to lift this you. ^_____^
On a side note... I was so emo that I totally forgot to watch Sukira. -________-;;;
♥

[Fic] Butterfly Promises

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 14:17:32 GMT

Title: Butterfly Promises
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: KangTeuk
Author's Note: I wrote this for my English as a Second Language class. And. It is not a happy fic. For all those who are used to seeing me write fluffy crack or cracktastic fluff or fluffy LOL fics, this is something different but not new. And as of this moment.... I feel that I should jump off a building for writing this.
Summary: Because you were the type of person that believed in forever and you never knew that people and relationships were like butterflies.
---

It was unexpected and you had never seen it coming because you loved him and believed that he loved you too. You simply didn't know that people, relationships and promises were like butterflies... because you were the type of person who believed in forever.

"Jungsu-ah..." he had whispered, retracting his arm from your slender waist as the both of you sat on the plush blue couch, watching one of the older performances playing on the television.

You looked up at him, a gentle loving smile playing at your lips, your eyes shining with warmth and the promises of eternity. But that smile disappeared and your eyes darkened when you saw the expression on his face. You reached out, raising your hands to stroke at his cheek, your motions filled with worry and concern for the man of your life. But when he flinched at your touch and pulled back, moving away from your fingers, you realised that something was terribly wrong.

"What's wrong?" you asked, your voice trembling as you soon realised that you knew what was wrong and all insecurities and doubts that you had buried for the past year and a half surfaced.

You looked into his eyes, your fear-filled gaze meeting his unwavering, hardened eyes. It was then that you could hear you world shattering around you. You could feel your world crashing down into irreparable fragments at your feet. You clutched his arm tightly, nails digging into his skin as you silently urged him to chase away your fears. You wanted him to tell you that you were being stupid and paranoid. You wanted him to laugh it off as if it was merely a joke that he was playing.

Maybe this was like that drama where you were the one playing with his heart.

But he didn't do that and your nails broke through skin, drawing blood. Your frame shook as he simply pried off your fingers and stood up.

"Jungsu... let's break up."

Your heart broke at those words and you felt as if your mind died. All you could do was remain frozen as you watched him leave. All you could do was stare as his departing back, your words stuck in your throat, your tears fogging up your sight.

The door shut behind him as he walked out of the apartment; as he walked out of your life.

Youngwoon would never leave you. Never. Never. Never.

You lost it at that point. You grasped about blindly, arms flailing, fingers outreaching for something. For anything. And whatever it is your fingers reached and grabbed... it was flung into a different direction. You were blind. Your mind was dead. Your body worked without your mind as you simply grab and threw and grab and threw.

"The happiness clock will ti-". The song playing on the television stopped as the television fizzled out.

Because the vase had met the television. The porcelain shattered upon contact, stalks of blood red roses falling onto the fragments of china, its petals scattered upon the bits of white and blue. Water trickled down from the cracked screen... its murky colours staining the white carpet.

Moments later. You blinked. Your mind was revived but...

Youngwoon... would never leave you. He had promised you forever. Then... why were you huddled in a corner as the floor of the living room was littered with fragments and shards of glass and procelain? Why were you sitting in the corner beside the plush blue couch, knees brought up to your chest, arms wrapped around them as you sobbed your eyes out, your tears wetting your denim blue jeans?

Under the countless stars in the night sky, he had sworn to love you forever before he had claimed your lips in a kiss that was soft and loving and filled with hopes and promises of a future together. He had held your hand and whispered into your ears the promise of an eternity together even if the world was to condemn your relationship.

What had happened to them?

What had happened to the words he had said so lovingly as his hips rolled against yours and the two of you created a rhythm and a song that was merely yours? What had happened to the times when he made love to you in a way that spoke of his feelings a million more times than any gift could mean?

You sank. You had wanted to be the feather and stayed afloat... but like little pebbles dropped into the water, you had sank.

Your heart, the first pebble, had sank. No longer trepid and merely a rock.

Your mind, the second pebble, had drowned. No longer alive and merely a lump of matter that meant nothing.

Your body, the third pebble, had cracked as you fell and fell until it broke upon the point of impact.

Because you had learnt that everything... had only been butterfly promises.
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Ending A/N: The whole sentence structure is different from what I handed in but it's mainly because I can't remember every single word I wrote. If I could, I would be a genius but sadly, I'm not. >_____>;; And also, it's been slightly improvised so that the title is incorporated into the fiction whereas the first draft, which I happened to hand in seemed to hang off in the middle of nowhere. But I did manage to fit in the three pebbles. ^_______^;;

All in all, I hope that you like it although... it isn't a happy fic and it is my first Super Junior fanfiction in which death is involved. And I cannot believe that I did it for an ESL assignment. And I also cannot believe that I killed... Jungsu... first.... TT____________TT
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